Good Day, Lovelies! How are you? Summers beginning to wane (yep, even here in Florida) and we’re beginning to anticipate Fall. In fact I’m off straw bale shopping later to find a comfy seat for our porch pumpkins.

Sometimes the shifts in season usher in a new energy for us, too. The Summer seems light-hearted and playful, splashed in sunshine and water, rejoicing in seeing us barefoot and sandy. Whereas the Fall calls for chillier weather, darker evenings, commanding a more serious tone as the children hunker down at school and we at work.

This can translate into our relationships too as we adopt to the seasons. Productivity and to-do lists push out real, vulnerable communication which is so vital in our important relations.

As you may know, two weeks ago I attended the HayHouse I Can Do It conference (yes I’m still talking about it:-) I saw motivational speaker and author Mike Robbins there. I’d been impressed with his book, Nothing Changes Until You Do and I admired his practical and honest approach to personal development. He had us doing some embarrassing stuff, ‘ice breakers,’ including blaring out Uptown Funk and having us all stand up and dance to it. Billy-no-moves here just clapped rhythmically and sort of jerked my hips, hoping my big beam and enthusiastic ‘WOO HOOs’ would make amends for the lack of dancing. As exposed and silly some us may have felt, it was also exhilarating and jiggled out all of those pre-conference-what-is-this-guy-about-nerves.

Then Mike had us pair up to, it might seem to some, potentially show ourselves up even further:-) We had two minutes- to be uninterrupted without our partners interjections or overt gestures- to exclaim and finish this powerful sentence…

“If you really knew me you’d know…”

This is a challenging question to tag an answer on to anyone. Like most, I was paired with someone I didn’t know, which made it easier in some senses. Once she’d said her piece and me mine we could scurry back into oblivion and never have to face one another again. Plus she knew nothing about me, so I had a plethora of self-subjects available to answer from. If you’re friends with the person opposite, well, they know you, so picking up on something they don’t know will require you to delve ever deeper into your personal can of worms.

I shared vulnerable stuff; my dad’s health, my addictive tendencies; I showed her my emotional scars and, then, she bravely did likewise. It was a sobering yet heart-felt exchange. Afterwards I felt so empathetic, so connected to the lady that sat by my side, despite having only known her thirty minutes.  I also felt extremely grateful to Mike for pushing aside our egos and teasing out who we really are.  He cut through the nonsensical crap, to put it bluntly.

Once home, the usual clutters of family life continued; child-focused, work-focused, home-focused. I’m a little flushed-faced to admit that sometimes my sweet-natured, independent husband gets consequentially flung on to the bottom of the pile. Every now and then I’ll nag one nag too far and he’ll let his feelings come pouring out; how perhaps I’ve neglected to accept his lunch invitations, or date night propositions.

So we decided to give Mike’s powerful statement a go…

“If you really knew me you’d know…”

Boom! It cuts through the ‘you did this and you did that’s.’ In fact, it dissolves all the accusatory you’s and instead shoehorns you into a space of authenticity and courageous vulnerability. It pummels down past the ego and it’s need to be right, it’s black and white viewpoint, and really exposes those all-important feelings, instantly activating tender sympathy, love and respect. And that’s just their response to the question: Holding the space with open ears for them to talk fluidly from their heart for two minutes is enlightening. You may realize, like me, that all too often we rarely to never do that. How sad.

Just imagine, right now, sharing this statement with someone in your life. Can you envisage the potential consequences? Ponder the gorgeous implications for deepening your relationship, your love, your understanding of one another’s emotional truths.

Photo credit: Lindsey Ramage

Communication is so cut off at the knees, comparative to how it can and used to be. Social media-although it can be a blessed tool- has a dark side, having introduced us to a new ego-centered, solitary type of ‘socializing.’ In addition our busy-stress-inducing lives have nudged out time to really connect with those we know and love. Adding this sentence into the toolbox of our relationship maintenance kit could prove a very powerful apparatus in its ability to grow and flourish our relations with key people.

So; kitchen table, warm mug between your palms and a willing partner is a great start to…

“If you really knew me you’d know…”

You might consider asking one another in a larger group, perhaps a friendship circle. Its a little like that old go-to down route flight attendant game I used to play, Truth or Dare. Just without the dare. And the lashings of alcohol. Or you can utilize this statement as part of a team building exercise at work, like Mike does.

Not only will your partner/friend/s/work buddies get to share in the lurking corners of your emotions, but you will too. Some of the words and sentences that escape from your mouth may cause you to pause for thought. There is a clarity that comes from the audible phraseology of our heart, honed into the spoken word: Language is powerful. You’ll get to really know you too. Perhaps you’ll get to feel that empathy, love and respect that we mentioned earlier, for yourself.

You, I’m sure, can dot to dot the implications for your sense of self love and affection.

Namaste

Thank you to each and every one of you lovely souls who’ve subscribed to Bright Side. It warms my heart tremendously to see notification of it pop into my inbox. I hope my rambling musings deem worthy of your loyalty.

Just a further wee note; I’m considering closing the community page, seeing as its not very straightforward to use and I’m particularly poor at utilizing it. Instead I’m trying to get better at social media, so if you don’t already follow me on Twitter, please do. You can find me at @yvetteedurham or simply click on the Twitter button to the right of this page under ‘follow me.’ Once I’ve figured out Twitter, I’ll move onto really using my Instagram account. I have Facebook sussed so you can find Bright Side there.

Have a super day:-) As always your comments and likes are thoroughly appreciated.